Photo by Chris. P via Flickr
The lessons your parents taught you when you were young were meant to shape your behavior as you grew. Although they might not have intended these lessons to be advice for how to best parent your own kids, I think we should revisit those things your parents told you and listen now as parents and not children.
1. “If you dont have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” Continue reading
Having a bad day at school does not mean they have to have a bad day at home.
3:12 PM: Mary’s pouting face at car pickup is all her mom needs to know. Her bookbag is dragging behind her as she walks slowly to the car. NOT normal.
“Did you have a good day, honey?” her mother says, knowing the answer. “NO,” Mary is quick to answer. “Can I see your folder?”
As Mary flops the folder onto the console, her mother can read the teacher’s note and see the color drawn on the calendar.
“Red day, huh? Why did you hit Joshua on the playground today? It says here you had to be reminded to be a good friend several times today? You did have a bad day.”
“Red” days happen, but should your plan at home include behavior from school? Continue reading
photo by Heather Ruiz via Flickr
As I talk to parents of children of all ages, it seems we are all concerned with some new “problem” or “frustration” in parenting. Whether it is getting a newborn to sleep in his bed, getting a 5 year old to clean up her room, or getting an elementary child to be organized and complete homework without having to threaten loss of life or limb.
I think it is fair to say parents should expect changes all the time and be responsive to those changes. Continue reading
Photo by alexa fades away via Flickr
“Punishing a kid by taking everything away leaves you with nothing”
I posted this the other day on the BehaviorBandAid Facebook page and one comment raised an eyebrow:
“What’s a good alternative to threatening to take something away?”
I have also heard,
“I have nothing else to take away! What do I do now?”
I can tell you it happens quite a bit: parents feeling painted in the corner by their kids. No Nintendo because she did not get up on time, then no computer or television time because she did not do her homework, and finally no friends over because she had a big fat tantrum and kicked little brother. Your threats and “punishments” escalate, but nothing gets better. Continue reading
photo by HurleyFamily via Flickr
Look, kids are going to be silly. They are going to be loud, laugh at nothing, and run around the house screaming with socks on their ears and underwear on their heads. I am pretty sure that is what makes them kids. (And the fact that it annoys us as parents, makes us parents).
The problem with silliness is when it goes too far, gets too loud, or happens in the wrong place and you need it to stop or to slow down a little.
How do you do it? How do you make it stop? Continue reading
Photo by Michael Bentley via Flickr
Embrace the M&Ms and worry about “intrinsic motivation” later.
Last week, I wrote a pretty lengthy response to a question about whether parents should praise and reward their kids for everyday things. Since then, I continue to see articles written about the subject with people talking about the “harmful” side effects of praising our kids. Unreal! Continue reading
photo by terren in Virginia via Flickr
“In regard to increasing motivation… I hear so much conflicting advice! And granted, this is all just advice and you have to do what you think best for your own child. But you suggest offering rewards for good behavior, yet many studies suggest that gives the child a sense of entitlement for doing something simple that should just be done without fanfare. And that later in life they expect rewards for showing up to work. Can you explain this disconnect?”
This comment recently posted on the BehaviorBandAid Facebook page portrays an unfortunate but understandable confusion about when and how to reinforce/reward your child’s behavior. Continue reading
behaviorbandaid.com 