When punishment takes everything away…

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Photo by alexa fades away via Flickr

“Punishing a kid by taking everything away leaves you with nothing”

I posted this the other day on the BehaviorBandAid Facebook page and one comment raised an eyebrow:

“What’s a good alternative to threatening to take something away?”

I have also heard,

“I have nothing else to take away! What do I do now?”

I can tell you it happens quite a bit: parents feeling painted in the corner by their kids. No Nintendo because she did not get up on time, then no computer or television time because she did not do her homework, and finally no friends over because she had a big fat tantrum and kicked little brother. Your threats and “punishments” escalate, but nothing gets better. Continue reading →

Stop acting so silly!! 4 tips for getting kids to calm down

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photo by HurleyFamily via Flickr

Look, kids are going to be silly. They are going to be loud, laugh at nothing, and run around the house screaming with socks on their ears and underwear on their heads. I am pretty sure that is what makes them kids. (And the fact that it annoys us as parents, makes us parents).

The problem with silliness is when it goes too far, gets too loud, or happens in the wrong place and you need it to stop or to slow down a little.

How do you do it? How do you make it stop? Continue reading →

“Intrinsic motivation?” Part 2

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Photo by Michael Bentley via Flickr

Embrace the M&Ms and worry about “intrinsic motivation” later.

Last week, I wrote a pretty lengthy response to a question about whether parents should praise and reward their kids for everyday things. Since then, I continue to see articles written about the subject with people talking about the “harmful” side effects of praising our kids. Unreal! Continue reading →

To reward or not to reward…that is the question

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photo by terren in Virginia via Flickr

“In regard to increasing motivation… I hear so much conflicting advice! And granted, this is all just advice and you have to do what you think best for your own child. But you suggest offering rewards for good behavior, yet many studies suggest that gives the child a sense of entitlement for doing something simple that should just be done without fanfare. And that later in life they expect rewards for showing up to work. Can you explain this disconnect?”

This comment recently posted on the BehaviorBandAid Facebook page portrays an unfortunate but understandable confusion about when and how to reinforce/reward your child’s behavior. Continue reading →

“The only way I can get her to do it is to yell and scream…and I don’t like that” – How to switch from negative to positive.

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photo by martinak15 via Flickr

Recently, I posted an article on the BehaviorBandAid Facebook Page that was intended to be about discipline techniques for children with ADD/ADHD (read it here). I thought the discipline techniques they listed were true for ALL children, so I posted it. The article included a list of common mistakes:

-Not communicating with the child what he or she did wrong (what you need to tell them is what they can do instead…and be specific)

-Flying off the handle

-Failing to follow through

It also included simple reminders and lessons for what to do: Continue reading →

Consistent parenting: What you can do to make it easier

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photo by OakleyOriginals via Flickr

The signature of mediocrity is not the unwillingness to change but chronic inconsistency. – Jim Collins

If you listen to or read anything about parenting, you have heard about the importance of being “consistent.” What does that mean to you? Does it sound unrealistic…to be able to consistently repeat your actions and your parenting decisions across days, emotions and varying hours of sleep deprivation?

It can be difficult. I will be the first to admit it. In some cases downright tricky. Continue reading →

Backseat brawls – How to handle the kids in the car

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photo by Will Hale via Flickr

It was pouring down rain and I could hardly see. The windshield wipers barely kept up with the sheets of heavy rain. The only thing I saw was the flashing hazard lights of the car in front of me. People were pulling over.

I plowed through. Wheel gripped tightly, eyes squinted, I plowed through…

because the two kids in the back seat were about to tear each other’s face off. I think they were collaborating with each other to see how much they could annoy me.

There wasn’t a storm in the world that was going to delay me getting home and getting out of the Hell hole that was my vehicle. The kids might be possessed. Continue reading →